Wednesday, August 4, 2010

a note on moods and spending

I don't usually get to serious on my blog but i'd like to talk a little bit about why i kind of abandoned my blog from last July till about this March.
Ever since i was about 14 years old i would go through moods of feeling ok, feeling sad, feeling happy, crying for no reason, being super happy & feeling nervous about random things. I didn't really do anything about this throughout high school, thinking i should just try to deal with it. Going 4 years feeling like that and not doing much about it became very tireing. Finally mid way through my senior year i went to see a therapist. She was really nice and i liked talking to her but i still didn't understand how i could feel so sad for no reason at all. So she sent me to a doctor (psych) who gave me some meds & poof within a month i felt better. Alot better, probably too better. I was super happy, outgoing, crazy Gina. That didn't last to long and pretty soon i was back to feeling not so happy again. It turns out your brain can "get used to" a drug and then it stops helping you the way it used to. So for the last 12 years or so I've been on a journey of ups and downs.Feeling good, then feeling bad, always trying new "miracle" medicines that work for awhile and then somehow just stop. So during my blog absence i was going through a not too happy phase, usually they last a a few month's but this last time it lasted almost a year. It's hard to try to post about happy things when your not feeling happy at all.When I started blogging again in April, i came back in full force & realized how much i missed it. I love talking about random things that make me happy (shopping) and hearing what you all think.
My ups and downs have also led to ups and downs in my spending. When i'm sad i don't shop at all, because i don't find joy in it, i'll hole up at home eat & gain weight. Then as i start to feel better the shopping begins.I lose the few pounds I gained, feel good about myself and then remember how fun shopping can be. Iknow I also try to take advantage of this because I'm always wondering " how long will the happiness last this time".I'll realize i've saved up so much money in the sad months of no spending and slowing start breezing through it. Which is fine for a few months, but then it becomes a habit & I end up having to try really hard to curb my spending. I'm at the point right now that I need to put a major halt on spending.
So im challenging myself for the rest of August, to not buy 1 single thing that is not a necessity (even if i think so, cute underwear from target is NOT a necessity!)
So, sorry for being so wordy, thanks to all who are still reading :), just felt like getting this out there because i know that alot of girls deal with similar issues.


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8 comments:

Diana Mieczan said...

That is so interesting....I have a friend who deals with this too...and she has such a hard time when the doctors are changing her meds....I am so sorry about that!!!

One thing that she started is meditation and it is helping her a bit because of the total relaxation...did you try something like that before?

Kisses,sweetie and thank you for taking part in my GIVEAWAY!!!

Melissa said...

What a courageous post, thank you for sharing this with your readers.

Rocker Chic said...

You are so brave for sharing this. Thank you so much for this. I am so proud that you are willing to take action and feel better about yourself. I encourage you to express yourself whenever you need to.

Good luck on your goal I know you will achieve it sweet girl.

Marcie said...

This is such a real post. Thank you for bringing this perspective and awareness. It make for a great post and hopefully it felt good to get it out.

xo M

michelle_ said...

this is an interesting psychology related post ! sorry about the doctor :( im glad that you're taking action and being brave ! everyone deserves to be happy !

GLISTERSandBLISTERS

Not a Paper Cup said...

You are definitely not alone, and really brave for speaking about it.

Thanks for sharing it with us.

Krysten @ After 'I Do' said...

What an amazing post, thank you so much for sharing.

Krystal said...

aw, gina, thanks for sharing this. i'm sorry that you have to deal with it though - i hope you can find a solution?
this is going to sound dumb...and i know because i come from a psych background...but do you run? don't laugh at me - but really - i kind of have a sadness tendency but running always kind of keeps my chin above water when its bad - once you get used to it, it's addicting. like i can feel awful in the morning, then i go run and i have this high and feel good for the rest of the day. ok that's all, bye :)